My Queen Mama

Mama is a cantonese term to address my Grandmother

Yesterday, I was just looking at my baby bolster, i started to miss my Mama. Because she is the one who wash my baby bolster last time.
I really miss her, she take care of me when I was a baby. No matter how naughty or still a super cry-baby, she also didnt fail to take good care of me.

Eventhough my memory of my Mama has begin to fade away as time pass...
But i still remember 1 thing, that she loves me.

'When i ask for something, you will often buy it for me...
Buy me a nice dress every chinese new year, but sad that i dont know how to appreciate it when i was young. Sorry..You take me to pasar malam every Friday, hold me tight and never let go... Cook food that is on my request.'

She play with me, do coloring book with me and show me her nice gold assesories and saying next time i will give you this..

But i left to Sunway when i was standard 5. So I left her caring arms...

Years pass...
I remember one particular week, i was called to visit my Mama.... at that time i knew that she already has cancer, and her time doesnt left much. But i was still small to understand and feel the sadness that time.
I went to visit her, i saw my mama black nice hair has turn white....she grew thinner...and she cant speak like how she speak last time...her laughter....not as beautiful as it sound like how it used to be anymore.
Then, she pass away 1 week after my last visit.

Now i begin to realize......
My Mama surely look at me with a heart of missing and saying a final goodbye to me in her heart ...which i did not realize @ at that time...
I wish, i wish that i could hug her that time! And pray for her..

And my question is always this......
How is my Mama now? Can i save her?
Can i have a time machine that can bring me back in time? I will surely share with her about Jesus!
But, i knew....is impossible. My Mama has already left us...

All i can pray is that....'Jesus, don't let this happen again. Use me to the fullness!'