Heart sharing :)

Find it kinda less of me sharing my heart out here. Of cause, its public.
But, im just gonna throw out something that going on within. Just Something.

Couple months ago, I felt that....the innocent life has comes to an end. For those of you who just know me in college, you might not fully understand. Haha.

FYI**FV use to be someone who smile & laugh for any reason, use to be a cheer "leader", a girl who trust you for anything you say, a girl that matter only friends...**

Okay. Fast 4ward a little..to year 2010.
Felt all the joy is been draining off by surrounding... Not friends, definitely, you guys are the reason that the PAST me is still holding on.

By various reasons.... pressure of wanting to keep up, proud, tired...and maybe too many things that comes in this year till it drowns me.

I dont talks alot anymore, i dont make the 1st move to communicate nimore, i dont act in way that look stupid infront of people nimore. All that matters to me now is, the ME in people eyes, the Task that i need to complete in time... and yar..again, keeping up to people expectations when inside is really empty.

I do not know how i manage to put on this fake mask for all this while.......but all i know is..my strength comes from the praises of people, the responsibility i hold (which dont last)..however I loss the real me. Is really a sad thing that can happen to anyone.. You know, till the extend i felt my world left only me... I mean, this is what i feel, but not really all my family & friends left me.

At the moment I thought to myself, "this is it, this is gonna be me for the rest of the years", something that i choose to do gives me hope to this hopeless situation.

27/10/10
Yesterday, i finally pick up myself and half force half convicted to my room and tunned on my worship songs. This time, i again tell myself is enough, is time to get back to God. Is a sentence that i repeated for don't know how many times.....a broken promise i may say.

1st song... nothing, is just like singing to the air.
2nd song.... i remember to give God best. I start to clap a little...and walk around the room.
3rd song... eyes close & try to focus...
10-15 minutes pass...
My tears shed.... Little of Christ touch..is really little one. But i already sense HOPE

And as i flip through my Bible.. I read this chapter that i never read before, it says God will give His wisdom to those who love Him. I got touch.... i felt secure and proud of God.

The whole night after that, my mouth is with a U shape. And with the little undescrible joy in me, i already felt the differences.

Of cause, the joy will left in just awhile if i just rely on a 1 day quiet time. I wants to commit to my quiet time already. I dont want to loss the real me that God has made.. thats the best me i can ever be!

Is a heart sharing post.... I guess i have thrown out 80% of what really going on within for 2010. The 20% is just example that i choose to keep it to myself.
But dont worry, because when i choose to share it out, i have overcome or at least overcoming it already. :)

My only prayer, FV will be back. :)
She will!
She might not be perfect in the past, but i love her very much.

-The End-